ANGEL'S CONVERSION STORY
I
always believed in one god. My entire life during hardship I
asked god for
help even as a child. I remember crying on my knees in
the kitchen, screaming
and crying all around me. I was praying for god
to make it stop. Religion on
the other hand never did make sense. The
older I got the less it really made
sense to me. People thinking they
were the negotiator between you and god. I
felt the same about Jesus
peace be upon him. How does it work that this man
would save us all
from our sins? Why do we have the right to sin just because
of him? I
refused the bible in all of its versions. Believing
something
translated and rewritten so many times could not to be the real
words
of god. Around the age of fifteen I had given up on the idea
of
finding god.
Growing up my
family was the average American family. Everyone I
knew had similar problems
growing up. My dad was a hardworking blue
collar alcoholic. As time
progressed his condition worsened so did his
perversion. Sexual abuse,
physical abuse, and fear made an imprint on
my childhood that would reflect
the rest of my life. He passed away
when I was in the sixth grade. My parents
had divorced by then. I was
the youngest of eight children. My mother would
go to work to support
us and I was home alone a lot.
Here I was one of those kids who pull from society,
who scare
people when they walk into a room. I began wearing black clothing
and
the dark makeup. I listened to the gothic music and fantasized
about
death. Death seemed to be less of fear and more of solution to
this
growing problem. I felt alone all the time, even around friends. I
tried
to fill the gap with cigarettes, then alcohol, sex, drugs and
then
anything that would take me from my own thoughts. I tried to
kill
myself at least fifteen times. No matter what I tried this pain
inside
of me never seemed to
subside.
I was in college when I
became pregnant with my son, I feared for
my son's health and could not dream
of giving him away. I worked
endlessly to provide for my son. Squeezing all
the pain and anger into
my heart I changed my life some. By this time I
trusted no one. Three
years later, I started to date again. I got engaged. I
truly wanted to
have the something more. As with all of my past experiences
my world
came crashing down. I was 25 and pregnant with my daughter and
ended
the relationship with my fiancé after he repeatedly cheated
and
physically hurt me. I had no idea what was next.
During this time I was working for a
Pakistani guy who was Muslim.
I never watched the news or even cared really
what was going on. Being
Muslim to me was no different than any other
religion. As time moved
on I became friends with several Muslim men. I began
to notice
something dramatically different. They had these
unquestionable
morals. A devotion to god in a way that required them to pray
five
times a day. Let alone the fact that they did not drink or do
drugs.
For my generation this was old school morals, maybe your
grandparent's
might have followed.
When my daughter was born, you can't imagine
my surprise when one
of these guys came in and brought gifts. I was shocked
stupid he held
her and spoke to her. I had never seen men behave this way
over a
baby. The kindness only increased with time over the next four
months.
I can't express the love that was shown to us. Slowly my interest
in
their religion grew. I was curious as to what kind of religion
could
instill these kinds of values into
people.
I was sharing a home with seven
people when one night I decided
to borrow my roommate's computer. I was too
afraid to offend my
friends by asking them questions so I turned to the
internet. The
first site I opened was http:www.islam-brief-guide.org I was
dumb
founded. It was if a black cloth had been lifted from my body and
I
swear to you that I had never felt so close to Allah. Within
twenty-four
hours, I took my Shahadah. To this day the majority of my
time is spent on
research. For the first time in my life something had
stopped the anger, and
the pain. I truly felt the love and fear of
Allah. Allah had replaced the
pain inside of me with his light, and
faith in him. Since my
conversion, Allah has truly blessed me. Allah
gave me the strength to quite
smoking, drinking and have not used
drugs in almost two years. I am married
to a wonderful Muslim man. He
has taken my children and made them ours. I
have something that I
always wanted a family. Al humd Allah.
I have
also created a website. You can find mine and others stories
available on
there.
The Site is to help Converts like myself. Here is the
link.
http://www.help-for-the-convert.net
If you want to submit your story
for publishing please e-mail it
to
mystory@help-for-the-convert.net
--
Alaykim Salaam
Your
Sister
Angel
